How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
