Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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