WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
