every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
