Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We got so high we made milksteak
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
