What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
