I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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