u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
