I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
