the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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