All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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