My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
