So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
