You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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