I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
