She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
