OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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