I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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