I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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