She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize