Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
