apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize