walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
