did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
