are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
