Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
