i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think im going to throw up on grandma
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize