I want to make a zoo with you.
I cockslap morals
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
These tits shall not be calmed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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