I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
