i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
