One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have feelings that need drinking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
