I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
