so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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