3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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