my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
