for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
