Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
