if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
