...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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