I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
NoShamevember. You game?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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