I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Watching her eat just hurts me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize