i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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