I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
