Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
