Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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