Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
