Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
