Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
