I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize