Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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