i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
