I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
