One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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