I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
