Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
