im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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